The June 2010 ‘Rare Unsigned Copy’ giveaway copy competition

I have one copy – oh, all right, two copies – look, maybe three, but that’s my final offer – of Rare Unsigned Copy (Peggy Bright Books, March 2010), to give away to those interested to find out just what’s behind the buzz that’s circulating about this book. Oh, all right, the buzz that isn’t circulating, but which would be circulating if it felt like it. Which it evidently doesn’t.

A bit about the book: it’s a collection of my mostly-short, mostly-humorous, heavily-pun-laden SF, fantasy, and horror stories. It’s been praised for its suitability for reading in short bursts, by those of brief attention span or those who just really don’t like words very much; it fits comfortably in the hand, making it a convenient projectile weapon for purposes of non-lethal crowd control; if carefully covered in aluminium (or, in the USA, aluminum) foil and painstakingly decorated, it’d make a passable and fairly inexpensive imitation of one of those fancy e-readers that seem to be currently trendy; it’s also ideal for anyone with a kitchen or dining-room table with one leg 14.34 mm shorter than the other three. So, pretty useful to have around, you’d have to say.

What do you have to do, for a chance to get your hands on this book? Last time I offered a free copy, I demanded considerable effort on the part of the entrants: namely, the solution to the name-pun inherent in ‘Martin A. Fairdig’, the chef in my Gordon Mamon murder mystery Single Handed. It took a week for anyone to arrive at the solution, and likely would have taken considerably longer if Thoraiya hadn’t enlisted the help of her Swedish pirate pals. (The answer, incidentally, is that maten är färdig is the Swedish for ‘the meal is ready’, hence the relevance of Scandinavian sea-bandits to the solution process.) This time around, it’s unlikely that you’ll need to appeal to any foreign offshore mercenaries for assistance…

I’ll keep the competition open until the end of June. I’ll select one winner from all responses received, as comments to this page, by close-of-business on June 17th (ie, midnight Australian Eastern Standard Time); a second winner from all those received up until COB June 24th; and a third from the full set of responses, up to and including those received by midnight July 1st (just so those in the chronologically lagging western hemisphere do not feel, for some reason, slighted). Each winner gets a free copy of the book. Postage included, if they provide their postal address upon request. (And yes, delivery without a postal address could prove challenging…)

And what do you need to do?

Well, I’ve been impressed by the usefulness of Google as an unprecedentedly powerful tool for self-discovery. If I hadn’t Googled myself, I would never have known that I was a Brisbane-based hitting coach, a DJ, a Scottish rugby player, an underwater publicity officer, and the voice behind a character in a Scooby Doo episode. But the most illuminating and informative link about my namesake(s) is sadly no longer extant: the statement ‘Simon Petrie is an insane asylum patient, living the fantasy that he has a long-lost brother who will save him from the hospital‘ seems to have gone the way of the dodo, although identification of ‘Simon Petrie’ as a character in the movie Due Diligence (from which the previous snippet formed part of the synopsis) is still to be found.

But enough about me. What secret shame does Google reveal of your hidden past? Give your answer in a comment, and if it’s sufficiently entertaining I’ll put you in the draw to win a copy. I’ll keep the comments hidden for blackmail purposes, but I’ll post winning entries so the other contestants can see what they’re up against. Genuine names only, please – if you’re claiming your real name is something along the lines of Mickey Mouse, Eccentrica Gallumbits, or Frodo McBaggins, I’m afraid I’m going to require fairly stringent documentation, including birth certificate, a cross-referenced set of polygraph results, and a DNA sample at the very least. (Apologies, in advance, if your name genuinely is Mickey Mouse, Eccentrica Gallumbits, or Frodo McBaggins; but I’m guessing, if that’s the case, that the verification strictures I’m putting in place aren’t going to rank among the greatest of your worries.) And, just to ensure that ‘John Smith’ doesn’t have an unfair advantage, in the Googling stakes, over ‘Milo Q. Zlatyborstonovic’, what I’ll be looking for in a winning entry is your description about what makes this particular bit of Google self-discovery amusing, poignant, or weirdly illuminating.

Oh, and if I only receive two entries all up, it doesn’t mean one contestant gets two copies. Unless they can prove they have a kitchen or dining table with two short legs.

So. Your time starts: Now.

UPDATE: I’d originally decided to keep entries/comments off display, but since I’ve been unable to find a way through WordPress to hide comments (without just keeping them in the ‘moderation’ queue for up to three weeks, which seems untidy), I’ve now opted to publish comments publicly on the contest page, once I’ve identified them as ‘not spam’, not obscene, and not the work of evil trolls – apologies in advance to anyone bearing a name such as Trolli Pornhump McSpammer, or similar, who might in all innocence find it difficult to get past the various filters…

UPDATE (July 3rd): The contest is now closed, so I’ve deactivated comments.  Thanks to everyone who entered – congratulations to the winners, and my commiserations to those who missed out!